Bloom: Parent Resources
A practical, research-based workshop for parents who want to build character, and resilience, in their children.
(And for parents who wonder if they’re doing the right thing.)
Here are some tips, notes, and reminders…
"Children are not born good or bad. They are born good, and their behavior is a reflection of their needs." -Dr. Becky Kennedy
Habits and values are built at home.
Kids do what they see, and say what they hear.
Our kids’ future habits, values, and relationships are built by what they see at home.
The best thing we can do for our children is model healthy behaviour,
and healthy connections.
It’s never too late to make positive changes.
The following skills need to be modelled for children so they can learn them.
The more you practice these skills, and the more your children see them in action, the stronger their skills will be. Here are some tips:
Self-Talk: How we talk to ourselves impacts our stress, our kids are listening. Try saying “I’m learning” instead of “I’m bad at this.” Interrupt your child’s negative self-talk: “I wouldn’t let anyone talk about you that way.”
Self-Compassion: Treat ourselves with the same kindness and compassion we would give to a friend or loved one, encourage kids to be kind and patient with themselves.
Growth-Mindset: Making mistakes is how we learn, and learning is how we grow! Compliment your child for their perseverance, congratulate them for trying different approaches even if they’re not correct; practice is how we get better.
Kindness: The trait that connects us. Let your kids see you doing kind and thoughtful things for your partner, friends, and family members. It’s especially important for kids to see kindness and appreciation extended to people in caregiving roles.
Empathy and Care for Others: Make it a family affair to care for pets, help neighbours, donate time and money, pitch in for a good cause; small gestures set great examples!
Criticism vs Support: Don’t spend so much time critiquing and directing that you forget to say the good things out loud.
Judgmental vs Kind Eyes: Notice and comment on the positives and you’ll see more positives happening.
Acceptance & Appreciation of Differences: The world would be a dull place if we were all the same, and liked the same things, and behaved the same way… our differences should be celebrated.
Manners & Gratitude: Ask each family member to share something they’re grateful for at meal time or bedtime. Make sure your kids are seeing the adults around them thank each other out loud for every day tasks (making dinner, helping with yard work, driving you to the train station etc.)
Apologies & Repair:
• a proper apology starts with “I’m sorry” and ends with a period
• do not follow with “but…”
• a proper apology does not include telling the person you’re apologizing to why it is their fault
• it’s nice to add what you’ll do next time to avoid having this problem again
When someone apologizes say:
“I appreciate your apology”
or
“thanks for saying that”
instead of “it’s okay”
Screen Habits: The Canadian Paediatric Society research says…
• Children under two years old: screen time is not recommended
• Two to five years old: limit screen time to less than one hour a day
• Older than five: limit screen time to less than two hours a day
Exceptions to the guidelines above: Video chat with family members & friends, Educational programming/apps under supervision
Healthy Screen Habits for Families:
Be a good role model
Look at someone’s eyes when they’re speaking to you, not at your phone
No screens during meal times, no phones at the table
Co-viewing with your child is best whenever possible, sharing the experience allows for deeper learning, connecting, and understanding
Reduce “passive viewing”, turn off background tv’s or screens when no one is watching
Avoid screens for the last 45 minutes before bedtime
Keep tv’s and phones out of bedrooms
Offer kids the opportunity to stay up later (15 minutes, 30 minutes) to read before bed, this builds incentive for reading, which many of us who use screens do less of
Monitor the content your kids are watching, keep an eye on their habits and usage
Follow age guidelines and don’t show your children media that isn’t suitable for kids
Use websites like Common Sense Media to learn more about age appropriate ratings
Self-Regulation: The stoplight system is helpful for folks learning how to self-regulate. It helps us become more aware of our feelings and how we feel in our body. It can give families a common language to use to express how they’re feeling.
• Red means I am not regulated: I’m feeling angry/upset/over-whelmed, I don’t feel in control
• Yellow means I’m getting agitated and I’m having trouble controlling myself: I’m feeling heightened emotionally, or irritable
• Green means I’m feeling good: I’m managing well and I have good energy
• Blue means I’m low: I’m feeling sick, sad or tired
Stress-Management: Make a list of constructive coping skills that make you feel better when you’re stressed out, refer to the list when you feel overwhelmed (it’s hard to think clearly when you’re stressed out, the list is a handy reminder to get you on the right track)
The more we can model these habits in our home the more likely our children will display them as well.
Healthy Parents…
• Use an equal balance of love and boundaries
• Remember: Presence, Patience, Perspective
• Follow through with what they say
• Practice self-care
• Work on their own self-regulation
• Model healthy stress-management
• Apologize and repair when needed
• Accept their children for who they are
• Practice self-compassion
Healthy Families…
• Spend quality time together
• Share meals together
• Check-in about feelings and stress
• Talk about coping skills
• Appreciate each members individuality
Your parenting is not determined by one incident or one day. Your relationship with your child is always growing and adjusting. Every moment is a new opportunity to make a positive impression.
It’s never too late to make positive changes!
Hot parenting tips:
• Say no to putting more on your plate; schedule less activities, spend more time together as a family.
• Spend less money, and more weekend mornings in your pyjamas hanging out together.
• Your kids want time with you (and your full attention) more than they want things.
• If you want your kids to have a good work/life balance, they have to feel that in your family life.
• When choosing activities follow your child's interest, rather than what you think they should be doing.
• If you want your kids to appreciate the little things in life, they have to learn how by watching you appreciate the little things in life too.
• Your kids will be grown up before you know it, be present now so you can all look back on memories of togetherness.
• When you put effort into your own habits and wellness your whole family benefits.
• Take a deep breath. Then take 9 more. Breathe in through your nose, and then out through your mouth slooooooowly… parenting is a tough job, you’re doing the best you can.
More resources…
Milton’s Secret by Ekhart Tolle - storybook about bullying and mindfulness (ages 3-12)
Charlotte and the Quiet Place by Deborah Sosi - storybook about mindful breathing (ages 3-10)
Self-Reg: How To Help Your Child (and You) Break the Stress Cycle and Successfully Engage with Life by Dr. Stuart Shanker - a book for parents and caregivers
Good Inside with Dr. Becky Kennedy - Podcast for parents with short, easy to digest episodes filled with advice on building a stronger parent-child connection
Inside Out - children’s animated film about how our feelings work, helpful for building emotional intelligence and giving families common language to discuss feelings
commonsensemedia.org - helps parents make informed choices about what their kids watch
Free Mindfulness Apps:
Breathe, Think, Do with Sesame Street (problem-solving, mindfulness, stress management for ages 2+)
MINDSHIFT (anxiety management and mindfulness for teens and adults)
Smiling Mind (mindfulness and meditation for families and folks of all ages)
There is no such thing as a
perfect child,
and there is no such thing as a
perfect parent.
Just people doing their best.
